Your Complete Guide for How to Plan a Celebration of Life
Lindsey Nickel
Photo by Milou and Olin Photography
When you try looking up the definition of celebration of life in the dictionary, you will find there is no exact definition which can cause confusion over what it is, the etiquette expected, or what it should entail. A celebration of life is an event that focuses on the life that a recently passed away loved one lived and the legacy they leave behind. It is geared more towards celebrating the positives (like the joy that your loved one brought you) instead of focusing on the grief that follows the passing of someone we love.
We like to think that a celebration of life is an event that gathers people together to remember a person's accomplishments, and relationships and share stories. It has a more lighthearted feel than a funeral. It is often very personalized with decor, activities, and the honoree’s favorite cocktail might be served. The focus is on happy memories and being grateful for the joy the honoree brought to their friends and family.
A celebration of life is a wonderful way to begin the healing process, reminisce with family and friends, and say goodbye with an infusion of positivity. These events can be as big or small as you want and allow you to make them super personalized to fit the personality and likes of your loved one.
Funerals differ from celebrations of life in a lot of ways, for example:
Funerals usually are:
Religious based (not always though)
Not overly personal
Can feel very heavy or somber at times
More formal and traditional
Celebrations of life usually are:
Very personal
Celebratory of the loved one's life (not focused on grief)
Tend to feel positive and joyful
More relaxed and more unique
Photo by Milou and Olin Photography
What to Expect During A Celebration of Life
These events can range from quite casual to a more organized event with a schedule in place. You could come across one that seems almost like a wedding with food, mingling, dancing, and a toast or two with the added stories being shared amongst the attendees. While others may have a formal schedule with religious or spiritual customs, a eulogy, readings & poems, plus closing words or thoughts.
Every celebration of life will be different because they are so personalized for the honoree, their families, and friends however here are some things that you can expect during the event.
Stories being shared - come with a few stories of your own about your loved one that you can share as well.
Music or poems that the loved one adored being played or read
Some of the honoree’s favorite things are being celebrated along with their lives
Drinks, food, and laughter with the other guests
What do you need to do when planning a celebration of life?
This is a very difficult and stressful time in your life with lots of tasks that you need to accomplish in a short period of time and very little direction as to what to expect. Planning a celebration of life can add to the feeling of overwhelm and having a planner there to help guide you while taking away the stressors that follow with all the decisions, can make this transition period a little easier on you and your family.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or don’t know where to start with planning a celebration of life, contact us. We would be honored to be of service to you and your family and make this day one filled with fun memories and celebrations for the departed.
So what are the things that you need to consider when planning a celebration of life?
When and where will the event take place? Thankfully the San Francisco Bay Area has a huge range of choices from a modern ballroom in San Francisco, to a casual bar in Sonoma to botanical gardens in Berekely.
What is the budget?
Who is on the guest list?
Who will provide the catering?
Who will speak at the event?
Who will manage all the vendors on the event day and answer their questions?
What activities do you want to include?
What time will the event start and end?
What special decorations and memorabilia will you want to include?
Will there be a guest book?
Will there be a slideshow? If so, who will put it together and play it?
Photo by Milou and Olin Photography
Etiquette for a Celebration of Life
What do people wear to a celebration of life?
There are no hard and fast rules for the dress code of a celebration of life and it often depends on the activities, location, and time that the event will take place. Of course, you should always keep in mind that you are honoring the life of someone who has passed away and your attire should reflect that.
Don’t wear (unless requested by the host):
Anything too showy or bold
Low cut tops
Funeral attire, including all black
Nothing with holes or stains or is dirty
Consider wearing these (of course, depends on the activities, location, time & host permits):
Dash of color especially if the loved one had a favorite color
Fun prints (for example if the honoree loved polka dots, wear a polka dot dress or tie)
Something modest and respectful
If you aren’t sure, then always ask the host what their expectations are for the event.
Are guests expected to bring a gift?
This is a very common question, typically for a celebration of life or memorial you are not expected to bring a gift. Often, donations to the honoree’s favorite charity are requested in lieu of gifts or flowers.
If you really want to bring a gift, consider a small condolence gift that is meaningful to the honoree and their loved ones but it is not expected and should not be lavish.
It is appropriate to bring a sympathy card if you like, but it is not expected. Inside you can share your favorite memories.
It is also common to bring a meal, food gift basket, or something that can take the stress of meal making off the plate of the loved ones while they grieve. This can be at any time in the wake of someone passing and should not be brought to the event. Often, cooking can feel like a monumental task when in the throws of grief so it is greatly appreciated.
When it comes to gift-giving it is more about the heartfelt meaning and words used than anything else.
Photo by Milou and Olin Photography
Venues
What type of venues can host a Celebration of Life?
Most event venues can host a celebration of life and the biggest determiner will be the number of people attending.
Here are some ideas of venues in the San Francisco Bay Area:
Backyard, private home, or rent a private estate
Country Club - especially good if the loved one was an avid golfer
Winery in Napa or Sonoma - especially good if the loved one has a passion for wine (although they are absolutely beautiful nonetheless)
Outdoor Venue - Beach, Park, Garden, botanical garden, etc
Out on the water - For water lovers, a seaworthy ceremony can be very special
Restaurants - great if you had a favorite place your loved one adored
Things to think about when picking a venue:
What type of Celebration of Life are you wanting to host? Is it more formal or more casual?
How many people are you expecting to attend?
Do you need to provide a caterer or does the venue provide a caterer?
Does the location have meaning to your loved one?
Does the venue have an AV system or do you need to provide one?
What is the budget for this event?
Do you want the event inside, outside or a combination?
Be sure to consider the time of year. Summer in the San Francisco Bay Area can experience 100-degree heat waves in areas like Napa, Sonoma, and Walnut Creek. Though it does not snow in the winter, there can be rain and cold temperatures.
Answering these questions can help you narrow down your options for venues. The more meaning the palace has to your loved one and the family the better it will feel having it there.
Photo by Milou and Olin Photography
Celebration of Life Service Ideas
Planting a Garden in Memory - You can have your guests bring their favorite flower seeds to the service along with the favorite flower seeds of the dearly departed and you can create a memory garden in their honor. This idea is wonderful because it can last through the seasons, year after year in a symbolic circle of life. This is what I consider a living memorial and that is extra special in my opinion. I have also seen memorial cards printed on seed paper that allows guests to plant them at a later date in their own gardens in memory of their loved ones which I absolutely adore.
Memory Shares - Those who wish to speak can stand up and share a memory, fun story, or slideshow all about the departed loved one. This is the most common idea you will see at Celebrations of Life and often evokes a range of emotions but allows for the most healing and closure. The family will often have photo albums or scrapbooks out to help celebrate the memories as well as a slideshow about the loved one's life lived. Sometimes you will also find a memory book that acts as a guest book where the guests can write out a memory as well as sign that they were there.
Use Music as A Celebration - Play the loved one's favorite songs and artists to help connect with them during the celebration. You can also have the guests submit a song that is meaningful to their relationship with the departed prior to the event and create a playlist that can be played during the event. Music is a great way to connect and express yourself during the hardest times in your life so this is one of my favorites.
Focus on Their Passions and Hobbies - If they were a quilter then having everyone submit a quote or image that can be made into a quilt will be extra special. If they are a woodworker then having a special piece commissioned for everyone to sign would be truly meaningful. Whatever their passion or hobby was, creating a memorial piece around it will make it something that will give the family happy reminders forever.
There is no right or wrong way to do things when it comes to a celebration of life event as each one is very unique to the dearly departed but they can be overwhelming during an already stressful time. Take your time, remember that this is completely about celebrating them and everything that they gave to this world, and please know that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate them. Whatever you do will be appreciated by family and friends and your loved ones so please be kind to yourself during this very difficult time.
If you want help in creating a memorable and loving Celebration of Life, please reach out and we would love to discuss your ideas and needs.
About Lovely Day Legacies: Lovely Day Legacies is the go-to event planner for families planning celebrations of life, memorials, and funerals.
We help families to plan meaningful events to honor their loved ones, without feeling even more stressed out.
Lovely Day Legacies is based in Napa, Calif., and is pleased to provide event planning for the San Francisco Bay Area including Napa Valley, Sonoma Valley, wine country, Orinda, Lafayette, Walnut Creek, Piedmont, Marin County, Tiburon, Sausalito, San Francisco and more.